Life Coach Blog Posts

Breaking habits

Breaking Free

Last week was a crazy, busy, overwhelming week. I decided to let my Monday post go for my own sanity.

As I move on to a new week, I am learning to let go of things, picking my battles with my kids while continuing to focus on me. When I let life get in the way of taking care of me, everything goes downhill and then I self defeat. I can only control my actions, my words and how I react to difficult situations. For me this is a battle I have fought for many, many, many years. Control is definitely my worst learned behavior and the most difficult to overcome.  I will make positive strides forward, then fall backwards repeating the same viscous cycle over and over again. It is so engrained inside my head. I act without even thinking it’s that natural for me.  This is one characteristic of being a Co-dependent person

Here is how I know I’m getting sucked back into the viscous cycle:

  1. My shoulders are so tight, my neck is so stiff and I can literally feel the stress taking over my body.
  2. My anxiety levels skyrocket and I find myself wanting to throw a tantrum because life isn’t going the way I think it should be.
  3. I become exhausted.  Every ounce of energy I have, has been drained from me.
  4. I want to go to sleep, my brain shuts down, mentally & physically I can’t go on. Sleeping has become my way of coping. My brain shuts off, I’m relaxed, and I’m avoiding life for the time being.

Guess what?  This is only a temporary fix and it will still be there when I wake up.  Sleeping is a terrible coping mechanism.

  1. What I need to do at this point is focus on the things I can change/control and let go of what I can’t change/control.  Recognizing and learning to let go of the control is the first step.  I write down everything I am feeling in my journal.
  2. Make a list of what I can control and a list of what I can’t control.
  3. I prioritize what I can control, I try to let go of what I can’t control & I choose living instead of living by trying to control the things I can’t control.

Recognizing what I am doing mentally & physically to my body is the first step for me.  Stressing over this can only lead you to a more negative, unhappy   & miserable life.

I choose not to live this way!

 

Breaking habits

Recovery Map Week 13 – Reflection

The last 13 weeks have been about learning and discovering more about ourselves.

Most of us take care of others before we take care of ourselves.  Learning and discovering more about who you are requires time and making yourself the priority.

It is so easy to get caught up in our busy life and when we put others before ourself it drains our energy leaving us empty.  We have to take care of ourself first.  I challenge you during the month of May to take care of yourself first.  When you put yourself first, you are investing in others.  By investing in your emotional, mental, physical and spiritual health you are:

  • Investing in your relationships with others
  • Investing in your personal growth

You know what is best for you when it comes to taking care of yourself.

I challenge you to:

  • Read a book
  • Journal
  • Grow your relationships
  • Do something new
  • Step out of your comfort zone
  • Grow your relationship with God
  • Take a nap
  • Binge watch TV shows or movies

It takes time, it doesn’t come easy, however, I promise you it will be the best investment you’ll ever make.

Breaking habits

Recovery Week 12 – Questions

The way we grow is by challenging ourselves, getting out of our comfort zone, and learning from our mistakes. This week lets focus on these questions:

  • When someone close to you does something that hurts you, how do you handle it?
  • When you encounter negative people or negative situations what do you do?
  • When you fail at something or make a mistake how do you respond?
  • When something doesn’t go your way how do you respond?

It took me years to learn and grow from these situations. I used to think people were meant to tear me apart, judge me, watch me fail or I would even them for putting me in these situations.

I will forever be constantly growing and learning. Everyday brings a new challenge and a reminder of how far I’ve come. I can handle most things yet I still have to talk things through with my Life Coach. No one else can control me, hurt me, judge me, etc. unless I give in and give them that power over me. Unraveling my thoughts out loud with my coach, allows me to realize I’m in control of my life!  That alone is FREEDOM!

Breaking habits

Recovery Week 11 – Gratitude

We are so caught up in our lives and what needs to be done next that we forget to be grateful. I know for me I’m always inside my head thinking a day or two ahead. It’s hard for me to stop myself and live in the moment.

One way I am finding for me is when I realize my thoughts are becoming negative I turn to my journal. It’s where I brain dump, write out my prayers to God, get my frustrations out on paper and find the things in life I am grateful for.

Together let’s create a gratitude list. In each category write down 3 things you are grateful for:

I am grateful for what I see around me:

  • Sunshine, Blue Sky, Green grass

I am grateful for what I hear:

  • Music, Birds chirping, My daughter signing

I am grateful for these holidays:

  • Easter, Fourth of July, Christmas

I am thankful for the gifts God has give me:

  • My 3 beautiful, loving, kind children, The ups and downs in my life that have helped me grow and find me, My awesome neighbors

I am thankful for things I have achieved:

  • I completed my BS in Psychology in 2015, I never give up or let things defeat me, I have found my passion and purpose in life

Start creating a list of things you are thankful for. Share them in the comments section.

Happy Spring Everyone!!!

Mindfulness

Recovery Map Week 10 – Recap

Life is a journey!  We are all walking through life doing the best we can do. As we get older it is incredibly important to deal with our ghosts in our closets. Recognizing and admitting we are not perfect is first. Give yourself permission to take care of you.

Lets recap some important steps needed in order to grow into beautiful people:

  • Understand you are NOT your thoughts. They do not define you unless you let them.
  • When the panic or anxiety starts to creep in, breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. This will help slow down your heart rate.
  • Once you are calmed down, think about what you are experiencing. Are the thoughts trying to get your attention in positive way for growth?  Or are they negative, pulling you down into the dark hole?  We must realize when we are stuck in a negative thinking pattern going nowhere.
  • It is important to work with someone who is experienced to help you dissect your thoughts. They will help you talk through your thinking.

Negative thoughts drain our energy.

Negative people drain us and take every ounce of our energy.

Determining if our thoughts are truth and might be trying to get our attention because we need to make changes in our life is a different story. Then I say embrace them, let go of your fear and start growing.

Talk things through with a Coach who knows what you are going through.

Take one step at a time and one day at a time. Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself and BLOOM!

Breaking habits

Recovery Map Week 9 – Negative Thinking

Negative thoughts are just that thoughts.  They are based on how our brains perceive what is going on around us.

Lets capture those negative thoughts and work through how they affect us.

When you recognize your negative thoughts:

  • Stop and ask yourself are these thoughts true?  Our initial response is yes, because our brains are on autopilot.
  • Ask yourself if your thoughts are 100% true?  Is there a different way to view your thoughts?
  • How do these thoughts make me feel?  Is there a story these thoughts are telling you?  Name the feelings you are having from these thoughts: sad, angry, mad, frustrated, jealous, hurt
  • How would things be different in your life if, you didn’t hold onto these negative thoughts?  Would your relationships be better, would you have more energy, would you be more motivated.

Negative thinking weighs us down.  Our energy is drained, we are not motivated to do anything and they are depressing. Catch these negative thoughts, write them down and see if there is a story behind them. Determine if they are real or not and try to see another side to your story. This takes a lot of practice. I believe in you and I know you can change the way you think.

Keep Moving Forward in Recovery Mindfulness

Recovery Map Week 8 – Keep Moving Forward

My goal over the next few weeks is stopping the insanity of suppressing my negative thoughts or allowing them to ruminate. Negative thinking leads to feeling painful emotions, which leads back to negative thinking, which leads back to feeling terrible about yourself. All of this only keeps you in an insecure state of mind. It is a debilitating, paralyzing, and viscous cycle I have been stuck in for most of my life.  No matter how hard you try to hide or how much you try to suppress your feelings they will find you.  Growing up we are told many negative things such as: stop crying you have nothing to be crying about, or if we have an idea we are told you’re just a kid/teenager what do you know.  Everything goes through our filter, which tends to throw out the good said to us and holds onto the negative.

April brings a lot of rain which allows flowers to start blooming in May.  Let go of your emotions by crying, feeling, writing them down or whatever works for you.  In May, we are all going to start blooming into the flowers we are meant to be.  Spiritual, emotional & mental healing will begin to take place.

  • Allow yourself, over the next few weeks to feel and think all the negative thoughts.
  • You are not a bad person if you feel negative or think negatively.
  • Journal whatever is in your mind without judging yourself for thinking this way.
  • Suppressing emotions leads to a poor quality of life. Managing emotions leads to better mental health.
  • This will take a lot of discipline and practice. It will take time and commitment, however it is possible to change the way you think.

Together we will process through this garbage, learn to love ourselves and bloom into the flower we are meant to be.

I am here for you if you need help processing through your thoughts.  I believe in you!

Tricia

Negative Thinking Breaking habits

Recovery Map Week 7 – Negative Thinking

Have you ever found yourself lost in your negative thoughts?  Our thoughts are constantly ruminating in our head and we intently focus on them.

  • Until we recognize we are stuck in negative thinking nothing will change.
  • Change only happens once you recognize you’re stuck in a negative thinking pattern.
  • Write these thoughts down on a piece of paper, then tear up the paper. Letting go of these thoughts will start the process and break the habit of defaulting to negative thinking.
  • Go outside, exercise, take a walk, call a friend who you enjoy spending time with. Do something to reward yourself for recognizing the negative thinking.
  • It may take weeks for you to create the habit that stops the negative thinking.
  • Try to minimize the time you spend with people who never have anything positive to say.

Give yourself permission to stop what you are doing if negative thoughts start  to creep in.  You owe it to yourself to take care of your mind, body and spirit.

Co-Dependency Mindfulness

Recovery Map Week 6 – Co-Dependency

Co-dependency stems from trauma you have experienced.  We end up not valuing ourselves and stuff our feelings and needs.  Our focus in life is constantly trying to help, control or change those closest to us. We allow others to take advantage of us without recognizing it right away. We are left  feeling burnt out and resentful. It is hard for us to recognize our feelings let alone express them.

Mindfulness can help us with our co-dependency. We learn to stay in the present moment and it gives us hope.  Taking care of ourselves is the most important thing we can do.

  • Start recognizing our thoughts and naming our feelings.  When your mind starts to wander towards others wants and needs bring your focus back to you.
  • Do something for yourself that is good for your mind and body. Enjoy the outdoors, read a book, exercise. Do whatever will make you feel good about yourself mentally and physically.

Make a goal to start taking care of yourself. Give yourself compassion and take small steps towards progress not perfection.

mindfulness - rocks - Tricia Hocker - Family Recovery Life Coach Mindfulness

Recovery Map Week 5 — Mindfulness

Mindfulness has helped me realize my thoughts are not reality. I have made them my story and my perception has become distorted. Using Mindfulness has allowed me to free myself from the toxic, crazy thoughts that are not real. 

  • Understand you are not your thoughts. If you are like me, your thoughts tend to get the best of you in a negative way. They become a downward spiral into a black hole. 
  • Breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth helps to slow down your heart rate. It helps us see things more realistically instead of letting our negative thoughts take over. We become aware of our triggers which helps us respond instead of react. 
  • Become aware of the present moment instead of being on autopilot. We become compassionate towards ourselves and others. 
  • Letting our thoughts control us by replaying the negative story over and over again doesn’t come with benefits. Mindfulness helps us come back to the present moment. It helps us decide if what we are experiencing can be changed or helps us learn to accept it. 

Mindfulness doesn’t happen overnight; it takes practice.  Start with catching your thoughts and learning what triggers them.  Calm yourself down by breathing and understand you are not your thoughts.  Let go of the negative thoughts. Remember you are getting to the heart of who you are by peeling back the layers of the onion.  If you need to write your thoughts down so you can see them, then do so.  Replace them with positive thoughts and let the negative ones go.  

 

Tricia Hocker Family Recovery Life Coach Blog Mindfulness

Recovery Map Week 4 — Dealing with Painful Emotions

I hope the feelings you have felt over the last week have started to flow out, and you have written them down.  Most likely your feelings are from a traumatic experience, leaving you feeling helpless, afraid, anxious, and even paralyzed. 

  • Feeling my emotions was the start of my healing process. 
  • I then had to verbalize what I was feeling inside to a safe person, who for me was a Recovery Coach. My coach listened to me, and as I talked through these emotions, some of them were very real and painful for me. Then there were those that were fictitious emotions I attached to the traumatic memories. I created a false sense of reality which was my way of coping with the pain, stress and tension. 
  • The next thing I had to do was find something healthy and positive in order to heal from the pain. I love the outdoors so I would meet my Recovery Coach and go for walks or hikes while talking through these deep and painful emotions once a week. 
  • On the other days, I would go for walks, run on the treadmill, do some type of physical activity. I would also write my emotions on a piece of paper and then rip the paper to shreds or burn it. I visually had to see them disappear as a way to see I was healing and no longer holding onto the negative, traumatic feelings. 
  • As I continued to feel and recognize feelings, I would name them and journal about them so I could talk them out with my coach the next time we met.

Everyone is different and we all have our own way of dealing with painful emotions. Please do not continue the habit of shoving them down. Let’s continue to step up to the plate and hit these emotions head on.  

I am cheering you on!!  I’m here for you if you need a safe person to express your emotions as well!

 

Tricia Hocker Family Recovery Life Coach Blog Mental Health

Recovery Map Week 3 — Emotions

Our Emotions:

In order to start peeling back the layers, we need to get real with our emotions. We need to start feeling them in order to overcome them or to celebrate them. Our feelings come from our thoughts, our own beliefs and our own interpretation of what is going on around us.

As you start to peel the layers back, there will be emotions you have never dealt with and have pushed so far down. They may be emotions that are triggered by a thought, a sound, a smell, a song and so on.

  1. Sit with this feeling/emotion.
  2. Breathe in deep through your nose and out through your mouth at least 4 times. By doing this your heart rate will start to slow down, your body will relax a little, and you should start to bring your thoughts back to the present.
  3. Try to feel it; don’t fight it.
  4. Journal about it; be as specific as you can with this emotion. Describe it, picture it, try to recall the situation you were in when you felt this emotion, who you were with, etc.

As the week goes on, this feeling will continue to reveal more information, so write everything down, draw a picture, etc

Tricia Hocker - Family Recovery Life Coach - Denver, Colorado -Social Media Mental Health

Recovery Map Week 2

Week 2: Catch your thoughts

After everything in my head is out on paper, I can see how I have allowed my thoughts to get the best of me. Over time we create stories that get stuck in our head and ruminate. When we are overwhelmed, make a mistake, compare ourselves and so on these thoughts pop up. These stories cause me to get lost and stuck in my head. They cause major anxiety, constant worry, tension, I am not able to focus, and I let things build up inside until I shut down or explode.

I have worked hard to STOP this thought process. I have spiraled down too many black holes I’ve had to climb back out of.

If you are like me and want to break free from this toxic thinking, here are the beginning steps I took:

 

  • First thing I had to do was stop my autopilot thoughts.
  • Catch my “stinkin thinkin” thoughts.
  • Recognize I am putting my body through stress, tension, lack of energy, headache, etc.
  • I breathe in deep through my nose and out through my mouth (this is scientifically proven to reduce your heart rate and reduce anxiety).
  • Physically go outside.

This takes a lot of practice; we have become so used to our stories

Over time, I have become free from the bondage these thoughts have kept me in. I have to practice this daily and empty my brain weekly.

 

Tricia Hocker - Family Recovery Life Coach - Denver, Colorado -Social Media Mental Health

Day 1: Organizing our Thoughts

Brain Dumping is a way of taking care of our mental health. It is very freeing to get my thoughts out on paper and look at them. The stress and tension building up inside is released and I physically feel better.

Now we need to organize these thoughts that are cluttering our minds.   causing me to feel paralyzed, and I shut down.

My Goal for this week is to break down these thoughts and put them into categories.

•Why am I allowing some of my thoughts to control me, to paralyze me and causing me to shut down?

•Determine what tasks need to be done and when do they need to be done by?

•Complete at least one task everyday this week.

•What am I wasting my mental energy on?  Such as negative thoughts; what I do and don’t have control over?

•Recognize habits I want to change.

•Recognize what I am thankful for.

• Set some goals.

MENTALLY and PHYSICALLY we need to be taking care of ourselves.

 

 

 

Tricia Hocker - Family Recovery Life Coach - Denver, Colorado -Social Media Mental Health

My Recovery Map — Day 1

Day 1: Brain Dumping

  • Be mindful of how you are feeling before you begin and write it down. Are you tense, stressed, anxious, procrastinating, angry, happy, wanting to escape, excited, etc.?
  • Over the weekend write in your journal or on a piece of paper everything that you are thinking about, worrying about, questioning, feeling overwhelmed about, what you need to do or want to do, negative thoughts, positive thoughts, etc. It does not have to be pretty or organized. Just get all of your thoughts and feelings that pop into your head out out and onto paper.
  • Once you have gotten your thoughts out of your head, notice how you are feeling. Write it down.

On Monday we will start down the roadmap to discovering who we are.

Tricia Hocker - Family Recovery Life Coach - Denver, Colorado -Social Media Mental Health

My Recovery Road Map

I need to know where I am in order to map out where I want to go.

Years ago, I went through a very traumatic event. Thankfully, I was physically living in a place surrounded by complete strangers who put me on a path to recovery.

When I turned 50 in February of last year, I realized I needed to start focusing on taking care of me. I have been experiencing certain triggers/thoughts that have been building up and controlling me. I automatically default to negative thoughts, fear, stress, anxiety, depression and paralysis. I build walls and shut down.

Recovery is freedom for me and will always be a part of who I am. I am going to share the tools that have worked the best for me.

we rise by lifting others - Family Recovery Live Coach - Tricia Hocker bullying

Love not Hate

With all of the political bashing that has been going on over the years and the abuse of social media, how can anyone expect our kids to stop bullying each other.  They’re being told one thing in school and yet outside of school they’re being shown it’s ok to bully others.  It is truly sad adults can not get along and be role models to our kids.

We all come from different backgrounds, we all have a story, we all have had life struggles and we all perceive life through filters we were raised with. Is any one family or person better than the other?  Absolutely not! We all have our own gifts and talents we bring to this world.  We all have our own passions and desires. Guess what?  It is okay!

We need to start taking responsibility for our words and actions and stop throwing temper tantrums. Life isn’t fair, we can fight each other or come together and support one another.  Let’s not allow another tragedy to happen. Let the kindness, peace, compassion and love shine through.

We owe it to our kids!!!

#bullyingneedstostop

 

Family

Our Children

Our kids are experiencing more divorces, social media has taken over their lives, the stigma of mental health  is still not acceptable, parents don’t have time to talk to their children, God is being taken out of our schools, the Pledge of Allegiance is no longer accepted in public schools, teens are turning to drugs and alcohol for a quick stress release instead of talking to their parents or friends and they are committing suicide.

When is enough,enough?